twinkle twinkle

Elliott had his abdominal ultrasound this morning. He wasn't very impressed with fasting and then being poked and prodded by a slimy transducer. And really, there's no easy way to explain to a five-month old baby that you're not just being cruel, there is a good reason behind subjecting him to this experience. Suffice to say, he screamed his little lungs out for most of the scan, while Dylan and I desperately tried to comfort him by singing "twinkle, twinkle little star" over and over again (our super weapon).

His pylorus measures just within the normal range. Which I was expecting. A diagnosis of Pyloric Stenosis in a baby of his age is practically unheard of. Also, his instestinal configuration is normal. The scan did give definite confirmation of gastro-oesophageal reflux. When Elliot moves his legs, or cries, or rolls, or arches his back, his stomach contents rush up towards the upper portion of his oesophagus. He basically has no gastro-oesophageal sphincter function at all.

After the scan, I found myself in tears during the car ride to work. I was feeling a confusing mix of emotion. Relief that Elliott doesn't need surgery. Guilt that I'd just had to pin my baby down to an ultrasound bed while he screamed for half an hour. And sadness that there is very little that I can do to improve his quality of life at the moment. How do you tell your baby that the pain they experience all day is something that they're just going to have to grow out of?

Elliott spent Wednesday at home with my Mum and Dad, while Dylan and i went to work. I came home to find my Mum almost in tears, because she'd found caring for Elliott so stressful. She said to me, "He just cries and cries. And there's nothing you can do for him". And it broke my heart. I'm used to how he behaves. It's all I've known as a parent. But when I saw her reaction to it, it made me realize just how abnormal his behaviour is.

Forgive me for the debbie-downer post. But I needed to get this out before I go to sleep.

I know that Elliott is going to grow out of this. I know that, given enough time, his sphincter control will improve and he won't experience so much pain. Sometimes I just have to remind myself that I am doing everything that I can. But there are some things that I can't control.

4, 5 & 6

Day 4: Elliott contemplates the cereal

Day 5: Hygiene

Day 6: The evolution of a bruise

Day 3: Brisbane River

This morning we got all gung-ho about the beautiful summer-y weather and decided to take a walk along the river at Kangaroo Point. It was really lovely, and it made me think that we should make it a regular activity. Elliott seems to enjoy being outside, and the fresh air certainly did me a world of good.

Today was a fun day. Elliott was content, which is really the number one determining factor in whether or not the day goes well.

I'm amazed by the changes that I've seen in him other the past few weeks. His personality is emerging more and more by the day. I'm beginning to imagine him as a boy, not just a baby. Which I have mixed feelings about. I'm excited to see him grow and develop, but I miss all of the little baby stages that he's growing out of.

One thing that I won't miss is his puking. Oh boy. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. I'm hopeful that he'll outgrow it soon. But, realistically, he's shown no sign of improvement at all so far. So our Doctor has warned us that he might be like this until he's a year old, or longer.

Dr Tanya has organized an abdo ultrasound this Thursday, to rule out any structural abnormalities that could be contributing. But my gut-feeling is that his scan will be normal. It's hard to know what to do. I don't want to inflict invasive tests upon my little baby, but at the same time, I would be devastated if I found out later that it wasn't just reflux. If I found out there was something else that I could have been doing to make him more comfortable...

Anyway, I'll stop now before I get too emo. Besides, it's after 10pm! Omg bedtime!

Adventure

Day 2

Wow! Today the sun came out!

We snatched up the opportunity to head to Mt Cootha to admire the brilliant (though somewhat hazy) view. It was Elliott's first trip there, and he seemed to enjoy it.

Once we'd soaked up a sufficient amount of sunshine, we ate some brunch together. Poor Elliott was a bit miffed about all of the delicious food that we were eating. And spent the entire meal desperately trying to grab every morsel of food that went into Dylan's mouth.

He also seems to have developed a dangerous obsession with cups of coffee. He truly is our child...

2011

Oh blog, my sincerest apologies for abandoning you so early in our relationship. You see, I've been rather busy. I've been inundated with house-guests. Also, preparing for the silly-season has snatched away every last minute of spare time that I've had. However, I feel it's important to take the time to post today, on the first day of this brand new year.

I'm one of those terribly nostalgic people, who gets all misty-eyed at the end of every year. Reflecting on all that's passed, and reminiscing about the good times that were had. I don't mean to sound gloomy by any means, New Years is an exciting time for me. It provides an opportunity to re-prioritize and set out goals for the year that looms ahead.

Which is a rather neat segue to my next point.

New Years Resolutions. Yes, I make them. Without fail. Do I keep them? Gosh no! But I certainly give it a red hot go. So, onwards we march to my new set of resolutions.

1

To read at least 30 books this year.

It doesn't sound like a lot. But when you see the size of my textbooks, you'll understand that I'm already somewhat over-committed in the reading department.

I'm drafting a list of the books that I'd like to read this year, which I'll post once it's been finalized.

2

To write some form of review for each book that I read.

No real motivation behind this one, other than the thought that it would be interesting to do.

3

To take at least one photograph every day of the year. Also, to have these photographs bound as a book at the end of the year.

I've always wanted to do this! This is probably the resolution that I'm the most excited about.

4

To be a more adventurous baker

I'm so boring! I always bake the same recipes over and over again. So this year I'm going to experiment with new flavours.

5

To embark upon some form of physical activity. (Other than baby-lifting and walking to Coles)

Maybe I'll join a gym..?

So tell me, friends. What are your resolutions?

How do you rate my chances of success?

Day 1, photo 1

Dylan looks particularly sombre.