Seven months

It's official. Elliott has been out in the big, bad world for seven months.

It's remarkable. It seems like only yesterday that he was kicking me in the ribs and ramming his head into my pelvis at 3am, while I was desperately trying to get some sleep. And now look at him!

Poor Mr. Elliott has had a tough month. He became infected with Adenovirus, and had to be admitted to hospital for a few days of nasogastric feeding. He was very sick, but bounced back incredibly quickly. Now he is playing and smiling again, as though nothing ever happened.

His trip to hospital made me rethink some things. I love Elliott with all of my heart. He is only going to be a baby for a very short time. I want to spend as much of that time as possible with him. So I'm not returning to uni this semester. Probably not even this year. I am going to enjoy every day that I have with my awesome little son. Before he grows up and becomes too cool for kisses and cuddles!

I'm so much happier having decided to do this. I feel like I can breathe again. Just thinking about how we were going to make our schedules work around uni was making my head spin. I am looking forward to being able to relax and enjoy motherhood. Without having a niggling thought in the back of my mind about that assignment that I really should be doing or that reading that needs to be read.

In other news... Elliott has discovered crayons. It is the most adorable sight. He will happily sit down and draw on his highchair tray for an hour. Admittedly his drawings are very abstract at this age. But I hope that he continues to enjoy drawing.

Alas, there is a house to be cleaned, and a baby to be cuddled. So I'd best be leaving this post.

7

Day 7: Sleeping baby

twinkle twinkle

Elliott had his abdominal ultrasound this morning. He wasn't very impressed with fasting and then being poked and prodded by a slimy transducer. And really, there's no easy way to explain to a five-month old baby that you're not just being cruel, there is a good reason behind subjecting him to this experience. Suffice to say, he screamed his little lungs out for most of the scan, while Dylan and I desperately tried to comfort him by singing "twinkle, twinkle little star" over and over again (our super weapon).

His pylorus measures just within the normal range. Which I was expecting. A diagnosis of Pyloric Stenosis in a baby of his age is practically unheard of. Also, his instestinal configuration is normal. The scan did give definite confirmation of gastro-oesophageal reflux. When Elliot moves his legs, or cries, or rolls, or arches his back, his stomach contents rush up towards the upper portion of his oesophagus. He basically has no gastro-oesophageal sphincter function at all.

After the scan, I found myself in tears during the car ride to work. I was feeling a confusing mix of emotion. Relief that Elliott doesn't need surgery. Guilt that I'd just had to pin my baby down to an ultrasound bed while he screamed for half an hour. And sadness that there is very little that I can do to improve his quality of life at the moment. How do you tell your baby that the pain they experience all day is something that they're just going to have to grow out of?

Elliott spent Wednesday at home with my Mum and Dad, while Dylan and i went to work. I came home to find my Mum almost in tears, because she'd found caring for Elliott so stressful. She said to me, "He just cries and cries. And there's nothing you can do for him". And it broke my heart. I'm used to how he behaves. It's all I've known as a parent. But when I saw her reaction to it, it made me realize just how abnormal his behaviour is.

Forgive me for the debbie-downer post. But I needed to get this out before I go to sleep.

I know that Elliott is going to grow out of this. I know that, given enough time, his sphincter control will improve and he won't experience so much pain. Sometimes I just have to remind myself that I am doing everything that I can. But there are some things that I can't control.

4, 5 & 6

Day 4: Elliott contemplates the cereal

Day 5: Hygiene

Day 6: The evolution of a bruise

Day 3: Brisbane River

This morning we got all gung-ho about the beautiful summer-y weather and decided to take a walk along the river at Kangaroo Point. It was really lovely, and it made me think that we should make it a regular activity. Elliott seems to enjoy being outside, and the fresh air certainly did me a world of good.

Today was a fun day. Elliott was content, which is really the number one determining factor in whether or not the day goes well.

I'm amazed by the changes that I've seen in him other the past few weeks. His personality is emerging more and more by the day. I'm beginning to imagine him as a boy, not just a baby. Which I have mixed feelings about. I'm excited to see him grow and develop, but I miss all of the little baby stages that he's growing out of.

One thing that I won't miss is his puking. Oh boy. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. I'm hopeful that he'll outgrow it soon. But, realistically, he's shown no sign of improvement at all so far. So our Doctor has warned us that he might be like this until he's a year old, or longer.

Dr Tanya has organized an abdo ultrasound this Thursday, to rule out any structural abnormalities that could be contributing. But my gut-feeling is that his scan will be normal. It's hard to know what to do. I don't want to inflict invasive tests upon my little baby, but at the same time, I would be devastated if I found out later that it wasn't just reflux. If I found out there was something else that I could have been doing to make him more comfortable...

Anyway, I'll stop now before I get too emo. Besides, it's after 10pm! Omg bedtime!