His pylorus measures just within the normal range. Which I was expecting. A diagnosis of Pyloric Stenosis in a baby of his age is practically unheard of. Also, his instestinal configuration is normal. The scan did give definite confirmation of gastro-oesophageal reflux. When Elliot moves his legs, or cries, or rolls, or arches his back, his stomach contents rush up towards the upper portion of his oesophagus. He basically has no gastro-oesophageal sphincter function at all.
After the scan, I found myself in tears during the car ride to work. I was feeling a confusing mix of emotion. Relief that Elliott doesn't need surgery. Guilt that I'd just had to pin my baby down to an ultrasound bed while he screamed for half an hour. And sadness that there is very little that I can do to improve his quality of life at the moment. How do you tell your baby that the pain they experience all day is something that they're just going to have to grow out of?
Elliott spent Wednesday at home with my Mum and Dad, while Dylan and i went to work. I came home to find my Mum almost in tears, because she'd found caring for Elliott so stressful. She said to me, "He just cries and cries. And there's nothing you can do for him". And it broke my heart. I'm used to how he behaves. It's all I've known as a parent. But when I saw her reaction to it, it made me realize just how abnormal his behaviour is.
Forgive me for the debbie-downer post. But I needed to get this out before I go to sleep.
I know that Elliott is going to grow out of this. I know that, given enough time, his sphincter control will improve and he won't experience so much pain. Sometimes I just have to remind myself that I am doing everything that I can. But there are some things that I can't control.
3 comments:
Oh Merilla! Poor little Elliott. I don't know what to say except that I know you are a wonderful mummy, and I know you do everything you can, and more than you realise!
I will talk to you soon. Love!
I'm glad to hear it's not something worse. You are an amazing mummy and you do so much for him. Like Laura said, even more than you realise. Don't forget it's been a long time since your mum looked after ANY baby for that long, so that would have added to her stress. Other than the reflux he is a very happy, loved little boy. Miss you and talk soon. xo.
Thanks guys :)
I'm feeling much better about everything today. It's amazing how sleep reorganizes your thoughts.
You're right Teegan, my Mum hasn't looked after a baby in a looooong time. And I'm sure that most 59 year old women would struggle to run around after a 5 month old. I didn't consider that, but it's absolutely right.
When I was at work yesterday, a little boy came in with a super rare genetic disorder. He was Elliott's age, and crippled. His life span was unlikely to be longer than 2 years. It certainly put Elliott's problems in perspective. He will almost certainly outgrow all of his issues within 6 months.
6 months is nothing in the grand scheme of things.
I miss you guys!
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